Monday, May 10, 2010

The Mommy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

In honor of one of our favorite children's writers, Judith Viorst, and our current favorite book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, here is a little story of the little Monday that left a big mark:

I went to bed with a kink in my neck and now I can't move it at all and when I got out of bed I stubbed my toe and by mistake I nicked my leg while shaving in the shower and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Before breakfast, my daughter didn't want to get dressed with daddy, didn't want to wear pants, and insisted on brushing her teeth upstairs after we'd already made it downstairs. My husband made himself three slices of buttered rye toast, my daughter had a slice of rye bread with jajic, but all I had was coffee.

I think I'll move to Costa Rica.

In the car on the way to drop my daughter at daycare, I spilled coffee all over myself when I took the first sip. Traffic was terrible and we were running late. I got off the turnpike four exits early and took back roads, which were also slow and apparently the accident that they were talking about on the radio had been cleared over twenty minutes ago.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

When I dropped my daughter off at daycare, it was already time for me to be at school. When I got to school, all the good parking was taken and I had to drive all the way around the lot. By the time I got to the door, it was past 8:00 a.m. and it was locked. Why does it need to be locked at 8:00 a.m.? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because I didn't have time to plan my lessons before the bell rang for class. I didn't have time to grade any papers or enter grades into the grade book. When I got to class, someone had stolen all the whiteboard markers that I had just brought up from the main office on Friday. I hope you all choke on a whiteboard marker! I screamed, to no one in particular.

By the time I had a break, I was starving so I decided to eat a package of trail mix, but the bag was stubborn and wouldn't open. Guess whose bag of trail mix finally opened, exploding cranberries and sunflower seeds and walnuts all over her desk?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was, because after school I had to tutor and my client was in a rotten mood and she refused to get out any work to do. Maybe next week I'll have a paper to work on, she said.

Next week, I said, I'm going to Costa Rica.

On the way home, traffic was just as bad as it was on the way to work. My daughter wanted to go to the "moo-cow" store, the tire shop, the Stop & Shop, and every other store we passed along the way. She whined because I said no and while I was looking at her in the rear-view mirror, the car in front of me slammed to a stop and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting it.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I said aloud. No one even answered.

So then we finally get home, and my husband is already there and he has already started making dinner and I am beginning to think that maybe the day is not so terrible and horrible after all. He decides to take the dog for a walk and my daughter goes with him. When he calls to say they've stopped at a friend's house to give me some respite, I sigh with relief.

I get all the lunches for the next day made. I set up the coffee maker for the morning. I clean up the dinner preparation mess. But then I go upstairs to change into comfortable clothes, and there is dog poop all over the rug on my side of the bed.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My husband says some days are like that. Even in Costa Rica.


eliza lou said...


Diana T. said...

oh my god...the dog poop has me crying. excellent post.

Michele said...

well done!

The Back's said...

Well said! It was definitely "a case of the Mondays" type of day!

Pamela said...

Excellent! Tomorrow is bound to be better...right?

nikib said...

I'm sorry, but I'm laughing hysterically right now. That was one royally, certifiably shitty (HA! no pun intended) day. And I will be happy to accompany you to Costa Rica. You don't need an excuse to go to Costa Rica.